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Sept. 28, 2021

Sex after Survivorship with Rich Love a Human Trafficking Survivor

Sex after Survivorship with Rich Love a Human Trafficking Survivor

In this episode of Naked Talk with Jess, we are chatting with, Rich Love, who is a Human Trafficking Survivor Leader Director at NoTrafficking Zone, Recording Artist, RBRW Show Host, Truth Speaker  and Child Of God 🙌🏽

Rich Love discusses sex and relationships after going through the trauma of being Human Trafficked. 

Highlights:

  • We talk about all the important work Rich Love is doing in our community to bring attention to Human trafficking and how she helps survivors. 
  • Rich Love give us advice on how to overcome our traumas with our love ones to have a healthy sexual relationship going forward
  • We discuss how recovering from traumas no matter how big of small is a life long battle and it doesn't happen over night. 

Referenced previous episodes can be found here:

A Human Trafficking Survivor's Truth with Rich Love

To find out more about the great work Rich Love is doing in our community go follow her:
Facebook : https://www.facebook.com/iamrichlovesociety
RBRW Show: https://www.rbrw.org/
No Trafficking Zone: https://www.notraffickingzone.org/?fbclid=IwAR2dcgAIrLKXOy1k6kkRUhxpr-UXfQLgTz3QfKhAzVz1dcys4ZswCrYjnQQ

If you see something, say something... 

National Human Trafficking Resource Center Hotline:  888-373-7888

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Transcript
Jess:

Hey, y'all welcome back to naked talk just podcast. I have rich love back in the studio today. Welcome, welcome.

Rich Love:

I'm so to be here. Thank you.

Jess:

Oh, I'm so excited. You joined us again. If not heard our episode with rich love, listen it. Right after this one. Make sure you listen to that. We have some great information in there. And we are going to talk today as our september series about sex. We love talking about sex on the naked talk with Jess podcast, there's so much taboo around it still. Can you believe that rich it's like ridiculous, right?

Rich Love:

Yes,

Jess:

we talk about the things, but these things that we need to talk about a healthy way our bodies, a lot it's taboos. So that's what we're do is talk about those So. even hear other day with i, as you know, like help support organizations that fight sex trafficking. someone asked, talk sex and support those And I kind of was like, what?

Rich Love:

Like, I mean. People have sex, right.

Jess:

People sex and it, we need to talk about it in a healthy way. And so it's, once again, it's just unlearning we, think about sex or baggage that we might carrying. So we're about sex after survivorship. And if you're listening. Hopefully you will be able to take some of what learn here today apply it to your own life or share it with who can it. So a little bit rich for those who did hear the other episode yet, tell us about you and some your passions. You're like me very multi-passionate, but, let us know kind of who are and you're up to.

Rich Love:

I that term. Multi-passionate some people of other things don't sound as good that. But yeah, I do quite a bit. I've really focused on my music. am an inspirational so, I my single blessings on the way, and I have my next single coming out, in October. And so that's really exciting. And then my album will out in november. So I'm, I really take the, my and I turned it into my purpose. So I'm a human trafficking survivor. I was groomed and trafficked out of my high school by woman, which is always people don't realize the women can traffic, children to. and I of the of my life now is just letting people realize that it can happen to anyone. You know, I didn't come from, foster care. I spent time in there. through the juvenile justice system, but, you know, I a two parent biological home, two story house, piano not typical story that you think of. And I think it's, it's eyeopening people to see that it's not stereotypical what people think. then also. it's not always whips and chains and kids that have, chains around their arms are in cages. mine was more psychological. So, you know, I believe that, you know, my parents didn't want me anymore because I was ruined and just they kind of groomed me to be brainwashed and think that I wanted things. and I was so drugged all the time. So it's just so many facets to that. That's why I'm really glad that we can have this conversation today because there is a lot of trauma that comes from that. I work with multiple organizations, Roby road. women in no trafficking zone, which we have so many amazing things coming. bill passed to raise the, punishment exponentially for anyone that traffics. And within a thousand feet perimeter of a school will stadium. NRG stadium is the no trafficking zone the world and we're branching out. So it's just amazing the support that human trafficking getting because it was so. Frowned upon or people thought, oh no, that's not happening. You know, 20 years ago it was like human trafficking. Like I never even that term. I never really truly got healing. because I so many other psychological issues that realize, Hey, you were trafficked. until later in life. Through addiction and things like that. So started that was kind of where I started was addiction. I thought that was my, biggest thing that I overcame. I started speaking in shelters and other women addiction and rehabs. I started to hear their stories. And I was like, oh my God, that happened to me. so I think it's just really opening the eyes to women and men and boys, because we boys that are trafficked as well. just to say, you know, it's not your fault. You can move forward, you can have a different life. I've married, so obviously I found love. so yeah, this is a really important topic and I'm really glad to be here to speak on sex after survivorship.

Jess:

I love it. Thank you so much. And then going to your links after the show notes to your music. So excited for that. I wait. And I'm all the organizations that you're a part of. I'm very familiar with rural women, rural beauty and the no traffic zone from senior social media, but y'all are doing amazing things there as well. And really a testament to all of us that, especially something like sex trafficking, I think for so long. You know, I believe the lies that, okay. My story is nothing like so-and-so's. Nor say, if I met you, I'm like, okay, that's nothing like that. but what that is, that's a lie from the enemy to keep us from sharing. So we all have something that we can share. And speak to, and then y'all are also a great inspiration of coming together from different things. Look at the impact y'all have made.

Rich Love:

I mean, know. I at my life and what done. just real briefly my addiction. I was, a crack user. I was selling drugs to survive. once I out of the life as a teen. Being trafficked, then you learn what your body is made for. You learn that, oh, I can make money can get shelter or I could get food. From body. I, as an adult, was prostituting, because that's knew. And through drugs, years drugs, I never really thought that that was my life. And even sometimes be in situations with people that were like, Pimping me out using me. And I'll never forget. It was this older guy that was definitely taking advantage of me, drugs, sex, all that. And he looked at me one day and he was like, I think I was And he was like, you know, you don't belong here. Like, what are you doing here? And I like even along the way, no matter how nitty ingredient my life got, God was always. There and October 4th, 2011. I up completely sober, clean, no caffeine, no cigarettes, no drugs. No, nothing just overnight, like it snap a finger. He took my addiction away. I mean, but also I went through a lot of psychological trauma afterwards. Yes. But God, he will never fail you ever. And, and it's just amazing what he can do the messiest situation.

Jess:

And. Going back to that. I have very, strong addiction on both sides family. and so because of that, for me, I choose not to drink don't really mess with a lot of things because I've seen effects and I don't want to. Do that, but something I I've seen from both family members or, you know, whatever friends. And breaking those addictions. That's when a whole other battle begins. Doesn't it? Because now you're sober. And so. When we have these traumas. And then, even if, like you like all these things, you know, that are, are kind of keeping us. I'm not seeing things clearly. if it's for addicted to caffeine or whatever, processed foods, that's a whole other episode. I'm rich and I are going to do, but it just keeps you from seeing like clearly what's going on. And it's so important, you said, that's that's an amazing step, but then too. Start that journey too. And get that support and help that you need because now you're living life sober. And you're filling the full effects of everything.

Rich Love:

You're feeling the full effects of everything. And also, always say, you know, I was so, Just bombarded with. I literally had a nervous breakdown. I did realize I was sober. I was going through many things psychologically I just said, Hey, I haven't used, let me. this date down and here almost 10 years later, I'm sober. But I always say whenever people are freshly getting clean, even if that's a year, because I mean, even year, like, that's so amazing, but there's still, have the rest of your life go. And I always tell some of my clients, you're fi you're getting to know who you are and you're living life through clear lenses. You know, you feel everything. You can't just escape. When you get fired from your job, you can't just escape. Scape when you have a breakup, you, feel it. And you know, it, it all depends on what you choose to, trade it with you know, we'd hope it'd be something great for me. My struggle, emotional eating. is still I'm struggling with. I identify, I understand it, but I always say, you know, as bad my addiction was, I would rather feel everything than to feel nothing at all. I would never trade my sobriety for anything because it's me, I'm really me, you know? And, and the caffeine. You know, it's crazy. Cause like, whenever I talk in I say crack they're like, oh my God. But then whenever I talk to adults and I say, I don't use caffeine. They're like, how do you live? Like, that's the shocker for them? but really it was because I was having, panic attacks, like multiple a day, really bad anxiety. was claustrophobic. didn't fly for like six years. I didn't travel more than like 50 miles past my house. I couldn't even drive to like from Houston. I worked on the 15th floor and people didn't understand why I taking the elevators cause I was called your phobic. so I had a gore phobia. I just went through many and so. it's definitely a battle, but it's worth, it's worth it.

Jess:

Yeah. Yeah. for sharing And. Well, think I can that get into that. that's a whole other episode too, of just life after sobriety, you know? What does that look like? And, and things that people often it's glorified or, you know, whatever, like all day, or, you know, have to have wine to be with my kids, you know, that. are things that, I'm not okay with. You know, there's nothing funny about that. same with prescription medication. Yes. Obviously work with your doctor, but you know, because something's prescribed. Doesn't necessarily mean that it's not, maybe affecting you in a negative way. So once again, that goes with being your own health advocate. Working with your medical provider. And if you're not getting the answers you want, then firing that. provider and find someone who will listen. So

Rich Love:

yeah, I really liked that that because I feel like a people don't take control health, but so many more ways than just one. And, and when you talk about your own advocate you know, a lot times people go to the doctor and take what they at face value. it's not getting a second It's. doctor that, you know, your kid is and they don't to run these tests. Are there, you know, lot of times don't want to accept Maybe they don't know and you have to take charge. It doesn't matter their feelings. It doesn't matter if they're annoyed, get the information that need what, not care. if you die or something you. and I didn't finish my statement cause I just got off track a little bit. But, with the psychological and mental health issues, that's caffeine. I started to notice it was exacerbating my anxiety and my panic attacks. once I quit the it helped a lot. So that's a huge tip.

Jess:

And then, and of course, all of these things we mentioned can affect your sex life as in your libido. So share a little bit with us. you will, what you personally as a survivor in your story? To, really to have a healthy sexual relationship because as, as probably, you know, think like, oh my gosh, you know, you think of sex, you think of all these horrible, you know, rape and abuse and all of these things. So what is something that helped you to say, okay, now going forward, I'm going to, how do do you even start with that?

Rich Love:

Oh man. I think it's interesting for me because like I said, I really didn't get the healing that I needed. And when I was a youth in treatment centers and mental hospitals, They didn't really correlate the human trafficking even, I didn't know until I was in my thirties. So really sat and said, Hey, have emotional trauma. I think once when I was in a mental hospital, I think I told I had been gang raped and that was very traumatic. I ended up in like the. what is that room with the padding? they the thorazine shot. Like that was like really traumatic once I realized. Cause you know, a lot of times you block things out that is my self preservation. Some people tell me like awful things or they'll come back and about something. And I'm like, I didn't even remember, like, thanks. I accept your apology. but that for me was my defense mechanism, but I truly therapy, you know, even though I wasn't honing in on the sexual aspect, it was just speaking about, know, how I'm feeling, why do I feel way that I feel? And it's not, there's such a huge stigma. But whenever you talk to someone that confidential, that, you know, there's nothing you can say is just going to blow their mind. I mean, the, my therapist that I've had over a decade worked with pedophiles. So I'm sure the little things I'm telling her is not that dramatic. and just having that open dialogue. It's a lifelong process. It's not something that just come out of being trafficked and being sexually assaulted because survivorship, all survivors of something, know, whether it's domestic violence, whether it's, you know, your parents got divorced or, you know, trafficking or, you know, incest, there's all, there's so many traumas. I mean, like you were saying earlier, it's not levels. It's like trauma is trauma. Someone could go through something that sounds so minute. But it just blows their whole life up and like, wrong with this person? Everyone's level of what they can handle is different. but I think truly for me, it's therapy being honest with yourself, open dialogue. Learning to trust yourself because that's one thing that I hear so much, as people will say, I'm always questioning myself because of the things I did in the past or the things that happened to me. A huge factor is trusting other people, you know, always I always my back. and there's certain demographics that I won't, I'll just I don't tend to date black men because I was trafficked, those people that damaged me the most. people that look like me. And so, that's something that I still have not gotten over. my first marriage, I was married to a Hispanic man. My second current marriage. He's a white man and that's just something that I don't think I'm over. but I think just being honest with yourself, and one other thing that I hear with women. Is the secrecy. Yes. Like I have one person that her husband doesn't know, like the addiction that she's battling the like. Horrific trauma that she faced. Growing. Up and the parents try to sweep it under the rug. And so she's like all these people's And so now she goes into this marriage. And he know why she shivers when he tries to touch her. You know, he doesn't understand all that. So I think for me personally, If I have to be with I don't trust, I can be with someone I don't trust. I can be with someone that I Tell everything to, and they have to accept your past when you've through certain things you can't tell that person, hey, I'm having a bad day. Like this is how I'm feeling or whatever. If that person you can't tell them everything. And you're a survivor. That may not be the best person, because you're always going be judging yourself, doubting yourself. Like, am I enough? And you need someone that's going to be Hey. You are enough exactly how you are. one other thing is, transactional relationship factor, at least from the trafficking side. it took me years to not look at a as. Someone that I can get something from like, okay, going do this, what are you going to do for me? so that's a huge thing that I know a lot of kind of battle with, and it's. It's just lifelong process.

Jess:

Yeah. And, you know, back that you can't fully and no one's saying it's easy, you know, and that, that can just in general, you know, whether you've had sexual or not. there's always going to thing of. The other person doesn't know what you're thinking or feeling. And if it's a healthy relationship, especially during a sexual intimacy, you want to please each other, you want to know the other person's comfortable. So you're really. making it. Nearly impossible for your partner to provide that for you. And so marriages under attack. They poof and they. They were before, but. I know you and I see a lot of that are happening and the family is massive attack right now. And so I encourage you. If are listening, you know, get help, be able to talk to someone like rich said, maybe you're not ready to go to your partner right now, but that conversation with somebody or a professional to help you prepare that, conversation because. It's hiding. It doesn't make anything better. can be scary, but I just felt like I needed to say that because I've talked to so many families and couples and we're on, we're under attack, you know, now more than ever. And we have all these different things that can divide us. And then you add on something like this to it. it's just lot, right. that is time when. You can come together with your, and have that intimacy that nothing else can replace. Right. So it's just so important. so I appreciate you talking about this because. You have passion to help. I'll put the links for rich love and she'll let us know how to connect with her too, but you're very much so against victim. You know, mentality. Let's talk about that for a few minutes and then.

Rich Love:

I think one thing also with the therapy the healing. Process and kind of getting into what happened. You know, piece of it? You that maybe you played in it? someone else to you? and then also the root cause, because a lot of times when someone, maybe they're in a mental hospital have bulemia, it's not necessarily just your weight. Like I suffered with bulemia growing up. And even as an adult, it's still something that I have to say, whoa, like you're starting to think a certain way, even like in 2017, whenever I first got back in, whenever I got into media, I was going through bulemia and people didn't realize what was going on. And thought I had beat it I was good. I lost all this weight unhealthily, lightheaded, dizzy, just sickly, because just is and horrible. On your body. and I just remember people whenever I started to gain weight, because I said like, no, I'm not doing this anymore. metabolism is so messed up. So I started to gain weight so bad I just remember people. I'll never forget a producer came on one our shows and he was like, whoa. Like what happened? Like what are you eating? I'm like, and he's like double my size. I'm like. Excuse me. but I think it's really getting to the root cause and I'll never forget, you know, about a year or a few months before my mom passed, actually I showed her a picture I was little. And I I used to skinny. What happened? And she was like, I remember that's about the time you started to eat your feelings. Like you to weight. And I realized that was the time I was molested and jumped at school and my teacher didn't do anything. that's where that emotional eating came But I that until last year, jessica.

Jess:

Because don't, it's very difficult for us to connect everything that all areas of our life are interconnected and affect the other. So in your mind, it's at the time you're like, well, has nothing to do with. jumped. It doesn't even register until we take holistic view. Right. And look, and see everything is connected and it's getting to that cause not just. masking your symptoms Whether that's, whatever is, right. Alcohol food, drugs, a relationship it's, you're just masking but never really getting to it. Okay, well, this has been amazing. can't wait to have you There's so We need to share. I was joking rich the said, we need to just do a rich and Jess show and start. Getting all these topics out there and having people talk about them, but, and let us know where we can find you and how we can support what you're doing, because it's amazing. And want all of our listeners to know how amazing you are. so that. With us,

Rich Love:

so you find Across all social media at rich love society anywhere. It's which loves

Jess:

There you go. Keep it simple, baby. on Follow her. We were on her Tik TOK. Earlier today in the office. So check that out I can't wait to hear your music. Hopefully you'll share it with me.

Rich Love:

Thank you so much for having me. All right. Y'all. Bye. Bye.