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Oct. 12, 2021

Breastfeeding and Sex with Samantha Sutton - Be Brave Mama

Breastfeeding and Sex with Samantha Sutton - Be Brave Mama

In this episode of Naked Talk with Jess, we are chatting with Samantha Sutton of Be Brave Mama.

Samantha discusses the challenges that might arise with breastfeeding and intimacy and how to deal with them. 

Highlights:

  • Know what to expect when you are breastfeeding and how that may affect intimacy with your partner 
  • How “the love” hormone can affect stimulation of milk production 
  • New sensitivity changes to touch and stimulation
  • Hormone fluctuations from changes in milk production
  • Practical solutions for leaky breasts during intimacy

Referenced previous episodes can be found here

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1772215/9178449

Be Brave Mama website - https://www.bebravemama.com

Email: bravemama@bebravemama.com

Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/bbravemama

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bbravemama/

 

Postpartum freebie link:

https://samanthasutton927.lpages.co/sex-while-postpartum-breastfeeding

 

Support the show

https://www.patreon.com/NakedTalkwithJESS

 

Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/NakedTalkwithJESS)

 



Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/NakedTalkwithJESS)

Transcript
Jess:

Hey, y'all welcome back to naked talk with just podcast. I am here with Samantha Sutton. She's all things, birth, all things, baby. If you have not heard our episode with painful penetration after childbirth listen. It's a really great episode, lots of great information. Welcome to the show, Samantha, how are you doing today?

Samantha:

So great thank you for having me back.

Jess:

You're welcome glad that you're here. Today, we're going to talk about breastfeeding and sex. Talk about taboo topics. So sex already is taboo, breast or taboo breastfeeding's taboo. So let's talk about breastfeeding and sex because, hey people have breasts, they breastfeed and they want to have sex, or maybe they don't. So let's just start talking about it. Why what's the big deal? Like what's the big deal with breastfeeding and sex? Why should that be a problem? For some people.

Samantha:

So this is one of those things where women don't know about the nuances of breastfeeding and sex until it's happening to them. So they finally feel ready to be intimate with our partner and things are getting heated in the bedroom. And the next thing you know, you're leaking breast milk and you didn't expect that. And it kills the mood. So it's better to be informed about these things ahead of time so that you are aware and they're not happening in the moment.

Jess:

And it's like the sex life series on Netflix. I was watching that and it starts with her pumping in the mirror. And I really liked that series. It opened up so many layers of conversation and discussions for myself and I, that it showed that I've never really seen that in a series before, there's also a scene where they're trying to spice things up, have sex in a car and she just starts leaking. And the husband's like, oh babe. And she's like, just keep going, you know, but it can be, if you're not expecting it on the woman or the man's part, it can ruin the mood a little bit. So share with us in that you talk about these things before they happen and whether that is sex, childbirth, whatever it is, it's so important to have these discussions before you're in that phase of life for that situation, because have a baby you're exhausted, know, you're having to change your life around now you have sex and a partner on top of that. So it's so important that we talk about this now. So what are some things that you can share that maybe would make sex a little bit more challenging if you're breastfeeding or just to be aware of.

Samantha:

Right. So the leaky breasts is definitely a thing. The leaky breasts happens because of hormones, basically everything involving pregnancy or having a baby or after baby, you can always blame hormones. So oxytocin is the hormone that is called the love hormone. And that is the hormone that's like coursing through your body when you're feeling intimate with your partner, but it's also the hormone that helps stimulate milk production. So when you're breastfeeding, very prevalent as well. So your body can't tell the difference between, know, the love you're feeling with your, your partner versus the love you're feeling when you're cuddling with your baby. So, yeah, that's why you could possibly have leaky breasts all of a sudden you are feeling intimate instead. There's a lot of other things that might be feeling if you're breastfeeding and also wanting to feel connected with your partner. A lot of women. what is commonly referred to as being touched out. when you're a new mom, you have a baby on you all the time. Breastfeeding or just carrying the baby or whatever it is. You're, you're constantly being touched in a way you never had before and then your husband or boyfriend or whatever comes along and he also wants to touch you and you just might have had enough.

Jess:

Yeah, I remember that. So I have three daughters and my two oldest are 18 months apart. breastfed all my babies I'm I did nurse while I was pregnant with my second daughter. Kind of got that baby off and then latch the other one on, had her on there for around a little bit over a year. And I remember just thinking kind of thing before it was an erotic kind of, you know, erogenous zone for me. And then I was like, it just seemed like a work, like a work area. And even though I love that I was able to have that bond with my daughter. To switch mentally from that to a sexual type of feeling really difficult. So I totally can understand that. And once again, it goes back to educating yourself and your partner and communicating, Hey, this is nothing against you. Maybe you talk to them and say, let's have a certain time that you do things or they give you a certain time to kind of just step back and relax and have your own time. Decompress, you have to communicate. Yeah. So it can totally relate to the touchdown thing. Yeah.

Samantha:

And that's something a lot of like husbands or partners aren't experiencing the same way you are. They don't have the little ones on them all day, so they just don't have that frame of reference at all. Something else that you could be dealing with is just having, you know, tender breasts or nipples, as well, which that's not just, you know, a problem during pregnancy that can also continue throughout breastfeeding because of the hormones that are at play. So, you know, your partner might be interested in and touching that area and you just might not want to have any part of that because of how, how sensitive they're feeling and that's completely normal also.

Jess:

Well, on something that you said in our painful penetration episode, and you can go back and listen to that. If you haven't heard it. Is that it may not be the same penetration, especially with the whole sexual experience. It may not be the same as before you had, were pregnant or had a baby. So you were, you know, maybe like you said, a little more aggressive. So like for me personally, you know, I would be fine with someone like being aggressive or with that. And then when it's tender, it's almost like, that's not like a good kind of pain. It's a no-no I don't want that. So again, it goes back to that communication because your partner might be like, whoa, like you love this before. It's like, I don't want anyone biting on my nipples right now. You know, they're chaffed or they're horrible. So once again, it goes back to talking about that and knowing, like you said, in the other episode, that everyone's journey is different, right? So I think that's an important one, too.

Samantha:

Right. And the last thing I want to talk about is hormones. I always have to talk about hormones. can affect the way you're feeling and. especially is going to cause hormone fluctuations throughout your breastfeeding journey. So especially like in the beginning, when you're building your milk supply, there's lots of hormones are happening to create that milk and then as your baby gets a little bit older and you maybe start to drop feeds or they start solids. Your milk production is going to drop and some of those hormones are going to drop with it and that can cause a lot of feelings in your body, like emotional feelings. So you might have anxiety or depression or like, I just be really mad these might be things you weren't feeling before, and it can be tied to the hormone fluctuations from breastfeeding. So just knowing that that can happen and being prepared for it. Is is really important.

Jess:

Yeah. And then going back just a second to the sore nipples and everything, it's been a while. My youngest will be 13 in a couple of months, but I remember would get mastitis and it was after my first baby so I did a Las Vegas trip at the time and with my partner I had my pump. Forgot the, you know, the little tiny that clear piece. Oh, and it was so horrible and my mom FedEx the piece, but for those two days, would just soak in the tub my breasts were so just ginormous any Gores. And so I had developed mastitis from that and I wouldn't be trying to like hand express. So, I mean, there's just a lot of stories. I'm sure moms could share, and they're not sexy in there, but you know what? That's it's a beautiful thing to be able to pregnant and to have that experience. But it's just not always.

Samantha:

Yeah. breastfeeding is quote, the most normal thing in the world, but that does not mean it is easy.

Jess:

Right. Right. Yeah. So, yeah. So any other things that you can share about that? Or what would you suggest for the listener that says, okay. Either I'm pregnant, I'm thinking about breastfeeding, but I'm scared. Or I just, I know I'm going to breastfeed and I, don't know what to expect. What would you suggest to them? Or how can you help them along that journey?

Samantha:

Right. So definitely like you suggested communicating with your partner about whatever things are going through is definitely key for returning to you know, your intimate relationship. Some other practical things you can do if you're experiencing leaky breasts, you know, during sex, you can wear your bra and have some breast pads and there, and just keep it on during sex so that it catches any milk. if you would rather not wear a bra, you can try expressing a little bit of milk beforehand so that they're not quite so full or you could embrace it and just, you know, take it to another level.

Jess:

Big boy for being touched out. That's definitely a complaint that a lot of women have and what you can do to try to feel connected and intimate with your partner to create intimacy in different ways or communicate to your partner. Like what makes you feel supported or sexy? Instead of diving right into, you know, more aggressive foreplay, For me, especially like even now, my kids are two and four and I still get touched out just for having, from having little people on me. So I always tell my husband, I'm like, I get beat up all day. So just some gentle touches from you are really appreciated. Yeah, that's it that's you don't think about it that way, but that is, that's a, yeah, like you're a stroke of your hair or just touching your shoulder as you walk by I like that. Yeah.

Samantha:

Like just nice hugs or gentle, like, you know, kisses that don't have a lot of tongue involved or a nice way to start. if you're experiencing tender breasts or nipples you can use nipple cream. I think it's lanolin or Lansinoh has a really good one. Coconut oil is a great natural one that you can use. you can use heat or cold therapy. Whichever one is your preference heat can. information, but it can also like help relieve those aches, cold can help reduce inflammation. So if you're in the earliest stage of breastfeeding and dealing with engorgement that can help. And then, you know, if. If the breasts are just kind of off table right now, then focus on other areas during sex that are still fun.

Jess:

Maybe erogenous zones you, you didn't think about or maybe forgot them, even your ear, your neck, like. That can be really sexy and erogenous for some people. And we talk about this. I think it was in our love, your labia series, that isn't penis and vagina penetration, you know, we think that's the end all be all. we really want to speak out to say, you know, yes, that is one way, but everyone's experience is different and even the same person with another person is different. So it's not always penis and vagina penetration. It can be these other ways to connect. And at the end of the day, it's about creating that intimacy with your partner and so like, we've even been shared like, hey, depending on how your clearest is filling around this time. Like, Hey here, these are no goes. And, but Hey, give this one a try and see what happens. So there's a lot of options. There's, there's a lot of parts to the body.

Samantha:

I always think of Monica on that friends episode, where she goes from one to seven.

Jess:

Yeah. Yeah. Ooh, those are some good ones. Yeah. so, okay, well, let us know how we can reach you, because if you're, if you're thinking about some of these things are struggling. can help you and really guide you and be that resource there and, be someone to talk about if you don't want to talk about these things. So how can we contact you, Samantha?

Samantha:

Sure. So I'm really active on Instagram and you can find me it's at B the letter B brave mama. Also on my website, www be brave mama.com. That's all spelled out. And on my website or through my bio on Instagram, you can find tons of free like checklist and PDFs that you can download. That can you can save this to your phone and I can help you navigate through these seasons of your motherhood. One of the things that I'm going to have that's all about like these breastfeeding tips. there's also going to be a PP D and PPA, which is postpartum depression and postpartum awareness a checklist. So it can help you decide if you are just having like the quote, normal baby blues, or maybe. It's a little bit more serious and you might want to like, you know, seek some help with that. So yeah, that's where you can find me.

Jess:

Okay, great. And we'll link all of those things in the show notes here, and we'll link you as well to Samantha's pages and her resources. And thank you so much for being here and I will talk to y'all soon. Bye.